Empaths
Everything you need to know to survive as a sensitive being in an insensitive world
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What is an empath?
An empath (noun) is an individual whose boundaries are so porous that he/she can Perceive the feelings and emotions sourced outside of their self.
An empath is said to be empathic (adjective).
Being empathic is different from being empathetic. Being empathetic does not require porousness in emotional-energetic boundaries. All that is required to be empathetic is the ability to understand the feelings of others. Being empathic, on the other hand, means literally being able to feel what the other person is feeling.
For empaths, often/at times, the feelings sourced outside of one's self can be experienced as sourced within. This can be exceptionally confusing because a physiological response to the feeling is initiated within the physical being of the empath even though the feeling isn't theirs.
The problem with having such porous boundaries, being able to literally feel what another person is feeling - as if they are sourced within - is that it can be challenging to discern, "Am I feeling my own feelings or am I feeling someone else's."
Empathic experiences can be exceptionally overwhelming and even evoke anxiety, for empathic individuals who have not learned the necessary - vital - life skills and emotional skills required to survive as a sensitive being in an insensitive world.
What does it mean to be empathic?
As noted above, empaths have exceptionally porous boundaries. This porousness is developed while very young. While other individuals learn how to have more impermeable boundaries over time, some becoming exceptionally rigid, empaths maintain the porousness of boundaries over time.
Why would one do that? Everyone is different. Every child is different. The environment and culture a child is raised in differs from one to another. But, generally speaking, when it comes to the development of the personality of an empath there are two different paths.
What are the two types of empaths?
Which one are you?
In working with many empathic HeartCentred Intuitives™️, in person, Kimber KivaGarden has developed a philosophy about how empathic natures come to be. She says,
There are two types of empaths:
Those with exceptionally porous boundaries (INFJ-T, INFP-T, ENFJ-P, ENFJ-T).
Those with more the life skills and emotional intelligence to be able to choose when to have porous boundaries and when to be more assertive and thus have impermeable boundaries that are appropriate to time and place (INFJ-A, INFP-A, ENFJ-A, ENFJ-A).
As such, there are two paths to development:
Those who maintain empathic abilities as a survival skill, and
Those whose environment has supported the development of empathic abilities.
Around the globe there are peoples and nations - religions and creeds - that both support and sustain the development of empathic natures in children. When a child is raised in such a culture there is less fear surrounding what other cultures may deem as "supernatural" or "metaphysical" or "paranormal". In these communities around the world, being empathic does not exist in fantasy and in science fiction; such a state of being simply is.
Thus, children and youth that develop their personalities in such an environment own their gifts and abilities, honing their talents and skills to assist their people and culture. There is a confidence in who they are, in their identity, that allows them to assert their selfs/Selfs in the world as a whole. Their scores on www.16Personalities have a -A: (INFJ-A, INFP-A, ENFJ-A, ENFJ-A).
Other children are raised in situations where having exceptionally porous boundaries is a matter of survival. There are several situations where children must maintain an ability to Perceive what is going to happen before it does, and then to Know what to do to maintain safety and security. This happens when parents, guardians or caregivers are passive, aggressive, or emotionally abandoning, in homes where there is:
mental illness,
addiction, and/or
family violence.
Children raised in these situations tend to have more -Turbulent identities fraught with self-doubt, insecurity, and social anxiety. Their scores on www.16Personalities have a -T (INFJ-T, INFP-T, ENFJ-P, ENFJ-T).
NEXT STEPS
Boundaries Where You End and I Begin: How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries by Anne Katherine M.A is a reliable resource that expands on how -Turbulent identities are developed in childhood and what that looks like in the life of an adult.
Kimber KivaGarden's Journey to Caelum Series explore the development of Assertive identities through three characters during their individual Hero's Journey:
Malakai the Hero (ENTJ-T/INFJ-A),
Michaela the human Spiritual Helper (XNFX-A), and
Maia the Apprentice (INFP-T).
NOTE: An X is ascribed to a score that is around 50%. So, for Michaela, in the Journey to Caelum Series, she is an ambivert: 50% introvert (I), 50% extravert (E), 50% planning (J) and 50% spontaneous (P). Get your score at www.16Personalities.com and email the results to your self so that you know and understand your percents. They are just as important as the final score.
How do I avoid predatory-type people?
There are many types of ecological relationships, in nature, on earth. These laws of nature govern the interactions between both flora and fauna (plant and animal life). They can be Teachers, exceptionally Instructive, to the sensitive, kind, giving, empathic HeartCentred Intuitive™️: especially those with a -Turbulent identity. (INFJ-T, INFP-T, ENFJ-T, ENFP-T).
Predation (+ -) In nature there is a winner (+) and a loser (-) when it comes to predation.
There are many terms in pop-culture connected to predatory-type people: what are the terms you know and use?
Parasitism (+ -) Parasitic relationships are ones where the parasite gains (+) and the host loses (-)
There are also terms in pop-culture that define human parasites. Do you know any?
Altruism (- +) Altruism is a relationship where one organism gives freely (-) and the other takes willingly (+).
Can you see how altruists and predators/parasites would be attracted to each other? Together they create a closed circuit.
What happens to a sensitive and giving HeartCentred Intuitive™️ in this type of relationship?
Amensalism (- 0) Amensalism happens when one organism gives willingly and the other neither benefits or loses anything (0). One is harmed, the other is neither harmed nor benefits.
Many a HeartCentred Intuitive™️ engages in this type of relationship. Do you?
Commensalism (+ 0) Commensalism is similar but different to Amensalism. In Commensalism one organism benefits and the other neither benefits or is harmed.
If HeartCentred Intuitives™️ engage in amensalism, how can they shift to this type of relationship?
Mutualism (+ +) It is with and through mutualism that both organisms benefit. No harm is done.
Is this ideal? Is it idealistic? Can it really happen? It does in nature!
What kind of conditions are required for a truly mutualistic relationship?
How do predatory-type people and parasitic-type people cloak themselves as mutualists to lure their prey/host?How can you use Discernment in these situations?
Competition (- -) In contrast to mutualism, during competition both organisms lose. Harm is done to both beings.
What does that say about the economy, the education systems, the sports and entertainment of pop-culture and modern society?
Symbiotic We often think of symbiotic relationships as healthy dynamics. But, in ecological terms symbiosis includes three different dynamics. In all three settings and situations, one organism is a giver, one organism benefits:
Mutualism (+ +)
Commensalism (+ 0)
Parasitism (+ -)
So, it is possible to be in a symbiotic relationship where you are harmed as the giver/donor/host (+ -), or where there is absolutely no benefit to you at all (+ 0).
APPLICATION
These ecological relationships are laws of nature. They have existed on earth since the dawn of this planet. They are true not only for plants and animals but also human beings. The difference is that we get to choose the kinds of relationships we engage in based on the characteristics we hold. As such there will always be predators (+ -) and parasites (+ -) and those with competitive natures (- -).
Whether we call them thieves or criminals, pedophiles or narcissists, abusers or takers, energy vampires, bullies or competitors doesn't matter. The dynamic does not change. The evidence lies in the history of human civilization.
But it doesn't have to be that way for you, as a sensitive empathic HeartCentred Intuitive™️.
NEXT STEPS
Check out the Downloadables page for an activity.
Engage in the Ecological Relationships Inventory found on that page.
Discerning the types of relationships you engage in, and the types of relationships you choose to experience in the future.
Determine what you need to do to get there.
🕊️ KK
How do I get more impermeable - yet flexible - boundaries?
There are 4 sources where you can learn about having more flexible and impermeable boundaries:
Kimber KivaGarden has dedicated her life to assisting individuals with a more turbulent identity (INFJ-T, INFP-T, ENFJ-P, ENFJ-T) to a more assertive one (INFJ-A, INFP-A, ENFJ-A, ENFJ-A). As a philosophical storyteller, Kimber tells stories that heal: in her novels, in her courses, at her speaking engagements.
Boundaries Where You End and I Begin: How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries by Anne Katherine M.A is a classic resource that will help you to understand how and why you maintained porous boundaries, why you maintained empathic abilities, with exercises and activities to enrich your life skills as a sensitive being in an insensitive world.
The Bully at Work: What you can do to stop the hurt and reclaim your dignity on the job by the Naime's is another wonderful evidence-based solidly researched resource. While it has not specifically been written for HeartCentred Intuitives™️, when you read the list of characteristics of a target of bullying you will be able to connect the dots, as Kimber has, to understand how having a -Turbulent identity attracts and having an -Assertive one repels bullies and bullying. It was the work of the Naime's that set precedence and introduced the concept of bullying in the workplace.
Work with a skilled therapist - many are INFJ-As - that acknowledges being an empath/ being empathic as a natural state of being that is neither a malady or a function of a chemical imbalance or brain malfunction. Many HeartCentred Intuitives™️ working in the mental health and wellness professions have personal experience as sensitive empathic beings. Healthy and healed therapists neither negate nor minimize the experiences of sensitive beings. Instead, they create environments that nourish the development of Skills and Abilities so that empaths can THRiVE as sensitive beings in an insensitive world: not only in word but also in deed. Meaning, Healthy HeartCentred Intuitives™️ are exceptional role models emulating healthy lifestyles. So watch what they do not only what they say. Accessed the resources mentioned above will give you the skills and abilities to Discern the right therapist for you.
NEXT STEPS
Be discerning. There are many wounded healers out there. There are coaches and therapists and authors alike who continue to maintain unhealthy perspectives, lifestyles and habits that can be exceptionally harmful to the highly vulnerable and highly influential porously-boundaried unshielded empath who easily accepts and integrates the feelings, beliefs and values of others: it is in the nature of an empath to do so.
